Should have…


Photo Courtesy-Google

Kanpur, where I grew up…the years of infinite crushes on every other attractive male form, first love, many heartbreaks, the first kiss (a peck really !), the friendships, the betrayals, the making up, the breaking up, the sorrow of losing a friend, the happiness of finding new ones…


The big school which had a Gurudwara inside…the teachers whom we gave peculiar pet names (like Gulabo or Potato)…the inching up of skirt lengths, the senior boys giving us the eye…the impatient wait for Valentine’s day, the roses received and refused…the friendship bands exchanged…the examination fever, the torturous preparation for them…the ‘no cable tv’ time period.. the exchange of notes, comparing questions and group studies ..the rivalry on marks and boys…the rush of blood of anger & passion…


The small row house where I lived..the white flowers that dotted the boundary walls..the tomatoes, beans, papayas my father lovingly grew in our kitchen garden…the musical doorbell of my house…the bookshelf which was my first computer, the first internet ‘chat’ …my first internet friend …the secret phone calls, the dressing down on getting caught…the coming home crying after fighting with a friend..the exchange of goodies with neighbours over the common wall…the shouting from terraces..the running around on the streets…


The big playground right in front of the house…the night games, everytime the power failed…the joy of never been made chor in the game of ‘chor-sipahi’ , the only job to do in a game of cricket-Umpiring…the comics exchange…the cycling around the favourite green spot under trees to doze off during sultry afternoons,,,the constant calling for lunch by mummy…ohhh, the lovely summer vacations….



the harsh winters and merciless summers..the deadly hot winds and the bone biting cold breeze…the constant whirring of fans,the warm glow of the heater…the husky smell of the summer cooler, the warmth of the blower….the t shirt & shorts, the thick sweaters…the sleeping under the sky counting stars,the burying yourself in layers of blanket with only the nose peeping out ….


The sweet & sour chaat..the round and soft gulabjamuns..the crisp samosas…the flaky gajak…the green aalu-dhaniya..the orange garam jalebis…


You fill me with memories dear hometown, and every time I visit , it is like somebody moving the ladle in a long dormant pot of sugar syrup –stirring, mixing memories of all kinds…

You are a stranger now…yes, a little bit of a are not even a loved one now, the heart belongs to other..but you will always be the special one…the ‘first ‘ one….a corner is reserved for you…a dark sweet corner with a huge lock bolted,lest you escape…


Like the yearning for that first lover..the one who loved my eyes…and whose eyes speak privately to me, no matter how many people surround us…whose hands I held for just a fraction of second..


and I came back thinking…

should have held your hand a little longer…

should have soaked in the memories a little more…




About 3deviyaan

We are we still need to explain ?
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4 Responses to Should have…

  1. Deboshree says:

    Ah, so beautiful. How completely we can fall in love with a city is what you have beautifully put across. I feel the same way about Delhi. Though Pune is now my, err, lover, Delhi is a city I can never forget.

    • 3deviyaan says:

      hey Deboshree, thank you for a comment !
      i know your love for Pune, as thats how i started reading your blog 🙂
      am a Pune lover if Kanpur was the first love, Pune is the soul mate 🙂

      thank you for visiting 🙂

    • 3deviyaan says:

      its an honour to have you here, at our space 🙂 i (the P amongst the 3deviyaan) is a bigggggggg Fan of yours, having bought and read ‘Chai Chai’ too 🙂 love your writing style !

      we lived in Kalyanpur, very close to IIT kanpur…
      now am based in Pune/Mumbai.

      where were you in Kanpur ?you still have family there ?

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