There are always flowers for those who want to see them.- Henri Matisse quotes

Today, I am going to be positive and shout about it.

Yes, despite of all that is going around.

People closest to my heart are upset with me. I have offended them in ways, they have made an opinion about me, I am not given a chance to present my side of the story and it’s all messy. Their anger is justified, but my explanation deserves a listening too. That is not happening. And I have already spent 3 miserable days repeating their bitter words in my mind over and over again and hurting my sanity and wellbeing, all the time trying to put my fingers on the point where it went all hay-wire.

All is not well yet, but I want to stay positive. And so, I am going to be.

Today, I wanted to write about 2 lovely positive women I know, and have come to admire greatly.

Let’s start with a recent acquaintance.

L (yes, let’s call her L in tune with her name :-)) is an enthusiastic 35 something lady in my office. L has being working with this company for the last 3-4 years , she lives really far off from our workplace, which means she changes 2 locals and one bus to reach this place (and don’t even get me started on Mumbai Locals).

But L is by far the most smiling face on my wing. Always dressed to kill (she usually wears salwaar-kameez and sarees) but each outfit is well thought off, different and matched to the T.

In all our office functions (Indian theme day, rangoli competition, Christmas Caron singing etc) she is the first one to participate. She will go out of her way to participate always volunteering to do the ‘buying of props’ , organising & assembling people etc for any event. Her enthusiasm is infectious.

Not only that, she also does a lot of stuff  at home. During Christmas she told everyone that she baked Rum cakes and takes orders. Ditto for Diwali specials (chakli/laddu etc)

The general impression I had of her was that she is enthusiastic talented lady, but definitely with a lot of help at hand at home for her to come so far, do so much for office functions, as well as run a small business of her own and I knew she had children.

But what I did not know, and found out one day during a generic conversation in the ladies loo was like a slap of reality across my face.

L’s husband passed away 2 years ago owing to blood cancer. Her in-laws deserted her, may be parents lived far off. She takes her 10 year old son and runs the household all on her own.

Yes, no help at home, and yet she finds the time and energy to do everything that she has being doing, while spending a good 3 hours a day on commute.

I am humbled and the respect and admiration I felt for her anyway, has risen multifold. The smiling face, is an inspiration. This is Positivity🙂

Another beautiful example of positivity is my friend N, who is much elder to me. We first met at Pune, where we shared a room together in a hostel

N is a manglorean , married to a North Indian and has had some tough time getting this marriage approved form parents (though not as hard a time as mine😦 )

Me and N clicked immediately thanks to the love of books. In our lonely hostel days, where she was working with in an IT firm and I had just started my career, we would chat for hours over dinner on books and life in general. N, that time was 2 years into her marriage but lived a fragmented family life. Her husband was in the US and because she could not have handled her alone, had sent her 1 year old daughter to her mother’s place in Manglore.

Every time a call came from weather of them , I could sense her sadness. Her sense of loss of being so far off from the man she loved and the daughter who was part of her body. Not being the regular-single-hip IT guys, she had no social life. Her day started with work and ended up curled in the bed with a book.

What could clearly be called the ‘grey days of her life’ N never turned depressed or looked unhappy. Amongst all the distances from the family and the life she loved, she continued with life with a cheerful attitude and positive frame of mind.

She would help me select dresses for my parties all through those wild days, guess  my crushes and advise me on my temporary love stories.

During a late night chat, she told me once “I can never remain unhappy for long. Whenever I feel sad, I go for a long walk by myself and by the time I am back, it all clears out and I am my happy self again”

Even after years, these words are as fresh as ever in my mind. Such a beautiful simple way to live life.

N is now a mother of 2 kids , lives happily in Banglore with her husband. They travel often and are busy making a future for their kids. Feeling terribly low yesterday, I had just generally called her (last I called her was to invite for my wedding). We discussed this and that and spent at least half an hour laughing and smiling J

Thank you God for these utterly positive people who bless the lives they touch. Grateful !

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CHRISTMAS Cheer !

CHRISTMAS is here and i am veryyyyyyyy excited !!

as informed to you dear reader (yes all 3 of you), this is going to be my (i.e P’s) first Christmas post marriage and this is the biggest festival at my husband’s side and thus is indeed special🙂

we are leaving for Pune tonight , just in time to get the Christmas Tree out, dust, put decorations, light it up and spread cheer ! i am also so looking forward to the delicious cake my MIL will definitely bake and the am sure AT is looking forward to all the non-veg delights (errr…non-veg food i meant), that awaits him !

the fun of celebrating the festival with family is like nothing else ! i mean what is life without doing things together with friends and family, and my in-laws are both my friends and family, it is going to be double the fun😀

i mean last night me and AT just got drunk on vodka & rum and slept like logs and despite of all the fun that we had doing that, thats not MY IDEA OF CELEBRATION !

Celebration is : going together to the  midnight mass, the Church where we got married, the Christmas Carols,the extended  family Party,the cake, the wine, the meeting up with all,  the wishes that will float around in person, on phone, on internet are all going to be new and fresh and beautiful this time !

i will be dressed in a beautiful designer saree, an off white silk one with a blue/maroon brocade border and big embroidered paisley on the main border🙂 will try to get some pics here, promise !

 

ok, so am all excited (gosh, how many times have i used that word) and in a while AT would be here and we will be driving to Pune and into the warm fuzzy comfort of the family home, and the chilling beautiful weather of Pune and int he arms of the wet smelly dog of ours who will jump and bark in delight seeing us !

as I said, what is life without family🙂

but before i go, a big special wish for all of you to have a very beautiful & blessed Christmas .

 

See you on the other side😀

 

Posted in Life and all that !, the 'ME' | Tagged , , , | 1 Comment

Labour of Love :)

I posted a weird post yesterday and  was informed by wordpress realised that it was our 49th post on this blog !! I was excited, so next is 50 ! yeah, the big 50 !! We have come this far at least *drum rolls please*, thank you :-)

Well so I wanted to make this special, and since one special can only compliment the other special, here I am, putting something special for the big 50 !!!

Christmas is just 3 days away, and I am very very excited ! this is going to be the first major festival in AT’s side of family after our wedding..yeah, our first ‘married’ Christmas together :-)  And I have been racking my brains for a really long time on what should an appropriate Christmas gift should be, no, not for AT, but for my In-laws who have been more than that to me. They are almost like my parents, and I feel loved and wanted and looked after by them🙂  Also, they are slowly placing more trust in me, than their son (who is no good anyway ;p)

Ok husband bashing aside, so I had been thinking.

There really was nothing to gift…we have enough crockery at home ! enough showpieces…enough perfumes, enough books… both of them have enough clothes (and I recently gifted a dress material and a lucknowi saree to my MIL anyway).AT is buying shirts for daddy.                    

  I also did not just want a gift which was “only” money – I wanted to give them a gift which meant love, and thought. And consideration.

A few days ago (errrr,almost a year ago) , I had bought 2 sets of pillow covers which I intended to paint..in the house repainting a month ago, AT threw them off by mistake, so doing that up was out of my list automatically !   

I had the colours..and I had the creativity…and most importantly I had the will to make something and give them…the only thing I needed was an idea of doing something that can be done in such a short time ( I had less than 6 days with full workdays and cooking+ cleaning routine)                                     

And then, it struck me..like a gold mine.. You know one of those wind chimes that you see on the road with the potters ? the big bells , which are made of baked clay and are in a pattern and tinkle every time breeze kisses them ? Yes, one of those is what I got home…the idea was to paint them in various colours, make it like a vibrant riot of colours…something that done with my own hands, something that can be used (or hung) instantly in our small garden back home in Pune. And I knew my In laws would appreciate it. So the coloured wind-chime it was🙂

Below is what it looks like. I am pretty pleased with the results and hoping they would like it to. My first Christmas present to my acquired parents : my labour of genuine love🙂

The rough draft : the first few steps later , this is how it looked..

 

 

 

 

 

 

The finished product..aaah,finally !🙂

 

 

 

 

 

 

Last glimpse : the Melange of colours and bells and balls🙂

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Fingers crossed ! Merry Christmas and a lovely Holiday season to all🙂

-P

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Let me ?

Let me flow, i feel like a river… 

Let me fly, i am a bird in flight…

Let me blow, i have the lava inside…

Let me be me, coz i love myself…

Let me not be me, i want to explore others…

Let me whisper, i have secrets to tell..

Let me shout, i have a voice to yell…

Let me make,  i need to learn…

Let me break, and place some trust…

Let me read, words call me…

Let me write, fingers tremble…

Let me love, this life is slipping by…

Let me hate, i want to say Goodbyes…

Let me regret, i have broken hearts…

Let me celebrate, before the night falls…

Let me see, the world is a beauty…

Let me sleep, i am tired…

 

 

– P (yes, still sound in the head )

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of that piece of wood..

When I was a kid who had to compulsorily write with pencils, I loathed them. Couldn’t wait to grow up and use Pens…

Pen, the blue & black ink, the permanency of it , the authority that was associated with pen, was all too attractive for a 5th grader to not fall in love …and so, after class 7th, we were given the beauties to behold.

What joy was it, to write with something, that my naughty neighbour or evil bench partner could not erase…

I loved gel pens, hated ink pens, ball pens were convenient , sparkle pens were a rage…

I owned pens of all colours, inks and covers. In class, we traded pens for things like doing an assignment for somebody, or promising not to report one’s mischief to the teacher.

Pens were possessions, PARKER was a big brand name then.

Pencils were forgotten…

 

And then, that phase got over…schools finished, college started, and computers came into our life ..more like an avalanche, destructing everything that came in between…

Writing instruments now meant keyboard, dictionary meant spell check, blank papers meant msword docs…

 

And soon that phase of excitement got over too…

Computers entered and captured every corner of the life in such a way, that an escape became impossible !

College happened, and then work happened too…Initially the thought of ‘having a computer’ of  your own in the company premise made one feel important. Then the work load increased and monotony crept in and so did the realisation that this computer and msdoc is a pain.

Computers gave me a headache, I got myself a spectacle. From a friend, it became a bearable cubicle partner.

 

And then, after a few years, a friendly face on my work desk caught my eye…

Ohh, that old friend from childhood…that piece of wood, my first weapon (yeah, I once poked my sister’s arm so hard with it that drops of blood surfaced…needless to mention I got it in return :-( )

 

I picked it up, and since then, it is there, with me,my steady companion..

Through boring meetings and terrible presentations…

When am fighting confusions in my head or writing ideas in mind…I doodle, I draw and don’t let the creative energy die…I am in love all over again..

 

I love my pencils🙂

 

– P

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Should have…

 

Photo Courtesy-Google

Kanpur, where I grew up…the years of infinite crushes on every other attractive male form, first love, many heartbreaks, the first kiss (a peck really !), the friendships, the betrayals, the making up, the breaking up, the sorrow of losing a friend, the happiness of finding new ones…

 

The big school which had a Gurudwara inside…the teachers whom we gave peculiar pet names (like Gulabo or Potato)…the inching up of skirt lengths, the senior boys giving us the eye…the impatient wait for Valentine’s day, the roses received and refused…the friendship bands exchanged…the examination fever, the torturous preparation for them…the ‘no cable tv’ time period.. the exchange of notes, comparing questions and group studies ..the rivalry on marks and boys…the rush of blood of anger & passion…

 

The small row house where I lived..the white flowers that dotted the boundary walls..the tomatoes, beans, papayas my father lovingly grew in our kitchen garden…the musical doorbell of my house…the bookshelf which was my heaven..my first computer, the first internet ‘chat’ …my first internet friend …the secret phone calls, the dressing down on getting caught…the coming home crying after fighting with a friend..the exchange of goodies with neighbours over the common wall…the shouting from terraces..the running around on the streets…

 

The big playground right in front of the house…the night games, everytime the power failed…the joy of never been made chor in the game of ‘chor-sipahi’ , the only job to do in a game of cricket-Umpiring…the comics exchange…the cycling around the park..my favourite green spot under trees to doze off during sultry afternoons,,,the constant calling for lunch by mummy…ohhh, the lovely summer vacations….

 

 

the harsh winters and merciless summers..the deadly hot winds and the bone biting cold breeze…the constant whirring of fans,the warm glow of the heater…the husky smell of the summer cooler, the warmth of the blower….the t shirt & shorts, the thick sweaters…the sleeping under the sky counting stars,the burying yourself in layers of blanket with only the nose peeping out ….

 

The sweet & sour chaat..the round and soft gulabjamuns..the crisp samosas…the flaky gajak…the green aalu-dhaniya..the orange garam jalebis…

 

You fill me with memories dear hometown, and every time I visit , it is like somebody moving the ladle in a long dormant pot of sugar syrup –stirring, mixing memories of all kinds…

You are a stranger now…yes, a little bit of a stranger..you are not even a loved one now, the heart belongs to other..but you will always be the special one…the ‘first ‘ one….a corner is reserved for you…a dark sweet corner with a huge lock bolted,lest you escape…

 

Like the yearning for that first lover..the one who loved my eyes…and whose eyes speak privately to me, no matter how many people surround us…whose hands I held for just a fraction of second..

 

and I came back thinking…

should have held your hand a little longer…

should have soaked in the memories a little more…

 

 

-P

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Steve Jobs – You inspire me ,for now and forEVER

I am sure that I am going to stop playing Farmville on Facebook soon I tell myself , All I need is a job , any job … these and many thoughts which assault my mind night after night and it is to drown the NOISE out that I play the game sometimes so oblivious to the fact that it is infact eating into my precious sleep time .

A lot happens to a persons mind when suddenly one day you are living life in one teh world’s busiest metro cities that too one as magical , fast and varied like Bombay or   Mumbai as it is now called .

I am one such person .

The initial euphoria of moving to a glamorous and beautiful city like LOndon , teh first excitement that happens when one travels and sees one stupendous sight after another have slowly melted into the recent past and now life as it was is moving from one day to another and sooner than later I will be “on sabbatical” for a year , in harsher words unemployed / between jobs , job hunting .

It is for sure that manyemotions flow through me all teh time but the one that is ratherpersistent nowadays is the one which asks me every time I apply for a job , why is NO ONE LISTENING ?

I have 8 YEARS of ROCK solid WORK EXPERIENCE and when I say this , I am not selling myself to a potential employer but simply stating a fact . It was not easy finding an industry that I stuck to , I have worked in many industries and my last job was as an Assistant Manager Marketing . So if any of the employers have doubts about taking a chance on me , it’s not like am a freshie out of college and certainly since I have worked for some big names,I am not a complete wimp ! Hvaing said that , I keep getting advice from well meaning family and freinds saying things like :

“Most people start small when they come here ”

“Forget about India, this is U.K, start afresh ”

or teh most weird one “Don’t have HANG UPS, a sales job or a cashier job is not MENIAL”

I feel sad for people dishing out such advice because I am the same girl that once rolled up her sleeves and scrubbed a store shelf with her store team . I have worked in a kitchen which is by far the toughest service job , so if anything I certainly have dignity of labor and do not “look down” upon any job as too small. But that is not the argument here , the whole point is why ERASE what I have created with such great amount of blood ,sweat and tears – literally ! I gave the 1st 3 years of my life right after I was married to real HARD work in the food retail world .

Now while this game of farmville was happening late last night , I saw the web go ablaze with the terrible news of Steve Jobs passing away .

Here I was desperately seraching google for confirmation on the news and it came bavk the same each time , so it was true . On teh day of Dasra , the festival that triumphs the victory of supreme good over terrible EVIL – the world lost a visionary .

But I gained something so very precious that I cannot explain it in words – call it my optimism, my faith or what you will, But teary eyed this morning as I saw the video if Steve Jobs Stanford Commencement speech for the nth time , I realized a few things I probably knew deep inside but didn’t have the courage to acknowledge .

What he spoke will inspire generations to come as he lives on through this creations and more importantly through what he gave the world in terms of vision.

My favourite quote …..

“Your time is limited, so don’t waste it living someone else’s life.

Don’t be trapped by dogma — which is living with the results of other people’s thinking. Don’t let the noise of others’ opinions drown out your own inner voice.

And most important, have the courage to follow your heart and intuition.They somehow already know what you truly want to become. Everything else is secondary.” – Steve Jobs

Thank You Mr.Jobs , I am listening to my inner voice and I always will.

You gave us the half bitten Apple , for which we shall be ever more gratefull.

P.S: I mean no offence to Farmville lovers , I love the game ,just that am over obsessing oevr it , which isn’t ok , just like over obsessing over anything isn’t good , I also love Facebook, it is a revolution ,it’s my best bet for “get back in touch wid long lost buddies”, it’s helped a lot of my pals do business too .So there ,hope I haven’t ruffled any feathers here !

By M of P,M&S

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